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I was always one to play by the rules. In high school I studied for exams instead of chugging beers in the parking lot. On Friday nights I would find myself surrounded by my scrapbook, pasting photographs onto designer paper. Sure, I had a boyfriend but he didn't seem too enthralled by my "lame behavior"...
I later found out that he cheated on me. I guess a non-drinking-scrap-booking queen wasn't a turn on...
Even though I wasn't ashamed to admit that I was quite crafty, I started to loosen up on the "whole-play-it safe" side of my personality in college. Within four years, I acquired a taste for Jack Daniels, learned how to apply eyeliner, and learned how to dress more like a woman. Although I had come a long way, I still found myself engulfed in a sea of doubt. I couldn't help but think that the persona I exhibited to the world was exactly that- a persona. It was the mask I showed to the rest of the world the minute good ol' Jack gave me a little extra strength to be a little less CAREFUL.
I was predictable.
Boring.
Fearful of being rejected.
It took a journey to change my perspective; a forgiving stretch of highway.
In truth, my friends questioned my decision. After all, who drops everything they have ever known (a steady job, best-friends, the place you have always called home? In truth, I was tired of being the so-called hamster spinning ferociously on the wheel, eager to move on, but getting NO WHERE. Calling deuces, I sold my furniture, packed my bags, and met my destiny one state line at a time.
Little by little I found myself growing. I started to walk with an air of confidence and even started believing in the power of my dreams. I found myself reaching for the fruit on the limb; the goals I once deemed impossible. After all I had found the courage to do what others thought I could never do.
In my own little way, I had taken the first step in finding myself.
And the rewards? They keep me smiling, eager to tackle the next obstacle that comes my way.
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